De mon Coeur au Tien
by Jude Quincy
Summary: Set after the season finale. Season 3 idea, I guess. R & R, please. [Title translates to 'From my Heart to Yours']
1. Prologue

A/N – Hey, everyone! I got this idea watching the super-lame season finale. I don't think this angle's been done yet. Enjoy and give me some feedback.

This is just a real quick prologue to see if anyone's interested.

-JQ-

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Prologue – De mon Coeur au Tien

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Tom's face filled with compassion as he watched the little girl run over to him. She reached out, clinging to his leg. He tensed at her touch.

"Brigitte," the maid scolded, pulling the young child away from Tom and throwing an apologetic look at him. "You'll scare Mr. Quincy away."

Brigitte looked up at Tom with wide eyes. "Your last name is Quincy?" She grabbed the denim fabric of his jeans. "Mine too!"

Tom smiled warmly at the little child. "What a coincidence."

---

(And for anyone who isn't "fluent" in French, the title translates "From My Heart to Yours.")


	2. Do You Think I Don't Feel?

**Chapter 1 – Do You Think I Don't Feel?**

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Jude settled into a leather couch in the G Major lobby, sighing loudly.

"What's your problem?" Kwest joked, hovering over her. She gave him a look and turned on her side, ignoring him. "Seriously, Jude. What's up? Your single's been 'number one' for three days now. You should be jumping for joy."

Jude sat up suddenly, looking at Kwest intently. "Do you remember the night of my release party?" He nodded. "Well, I don't know… I just have a really bad feeling about it. I can't explain it. I just can't get it out of my mind. Like, something bad happened. But the problem is…I can't remember a thing." She groaned and buried her head in her hands.

Kwest set a hand gently on her back and she looked up at him, a sense of hopelessness in her eyes. "Hey, I'm sure everything's fine. Every rockstar's gotta get totally wasted every once in awhile, right?" He smirked at her and Jude returned it halfheartedly. "Cheer up. Let me take you out for lunch."

---

The maid shot an angry look at Tom, mouthing 'stop.' He gazed at her questioningly.

"Why, if it isn't Little Tommy Q!" a familiar voice greeted him.

"Mommy!" Brigitte called out, rushing over and clinging to her mother.

"Portia," Tom muttered, eyeing his ex-wife.

"I'll be off." The maid curtsied for the group and then scampered off.

"Brigitte," Portia leaned down to her daughter. "Can you go play in your room while I talk to Tommy? The little girl stole a look at Tom and then nodded, running off down the hallway.

Tom glanced around, taking in his surroundings. "Nice place you've got here."

Portia gave him a look. "Tommy, don't tell me you don't remember this place. Four years ago?"

"Portia," Tom's voice was low. An awkward silence settled between the two of them, until Tom was bursting with questions. "So, this I where you've been lately? With your parents?"

Portia nodded. "They're raising Brigitte with me. It's nice." She smiled distantly.

"She's beautiful, Portia. Brigitte, I mean. She's got your spunk." Tom grinned.

"Thanks, Tommy." She stared at him intently.

"What's that look for?" he questioned.

"Aren't you going to ask me…anything else?" Portia frowned, as if disappointed in Tom's reaction to this whole situation.

Tom was silent, lost in thought. "I do have one more question…Why'd you send my father?"

---

Jude smiled at Kwest from across the table. "McDonald's? That's your idea of 'taking me out to lunch'?"

He put his hands up in defense. "Hey! I'm just a lowly technician. Not some hot-stuff producer!" Jude's face fell at his comment and Kwest grimaced. "Sorry."

"No, it's fine," she mumbled. "You haven't heard from him, have you?"

Kwest shook his head. "Sorry, Jude. Can't say I have. His phone is off."

"I know," she moaned quietly, the familiar depression settling on her again.

"Hey, come on," he urged her, rubbing her arm gently. "It'll be okay. Maybe he just needed some time off. He hasn't been away in a long time."

Jude glared at him. "Kwest, you didn't hear his good-bye. He asked me out on a date—our _first_ date. Then he shows up an hour late, barely says 'bye' and drives off."

"Jude, I know. He's my best friend."

"And he's my partner. My wingman." She sighed deeply, tears forming in her eyes. "He's my everything."

---

Alright, how was it? Still kind of interesting? Leave me some love!

-JQ-


	3. Doubt and Insecurity

A/N - Another installment! Woo-hoo! Thanks for all the support so far!

-JQ-

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**Chapter 2 - Doubt and Insecurity**

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Portia eyed Tom wearily. "Who else could I have sent that you would have listened to?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. You could've told me _yourself_."

She gave him a look. "Tommy, why do you think I came to work at G Major? For the money?" She scoffed. "I came here to _tell_ you about Brigitte. But I couldn't get up the nerve."

Tom lost control. "It wasn't fair to ambush me with my father! You know we barely even _talk_! And how dare you name her after my mother! 'Brigitte Quincy'? Practically a slap in my face. And how much did you tell her, Portia? Does that little girl even know? Or was she kept in the dark like me? _And_ you had to send my father on the one night I had my first date with Jude!"

Portia glanced at Tom. "What did you tell her?"

"Nothing," he replied, sighing. "What was I supposed to tell her? I told her I was leaving and probably wasn't coming back."

Portia frowned at him. "You don't plan on going back to Toronto?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. This is all really new to me. When my father came and told me, I didn't know what to expect."

"Tommy," Portia touched his arm tenderly. "I'm not going to force you into anything. If you want to be part of Brigitte's life, I'm sure we can work something out. And if you don't, that's okay. I just felt like you had a right to know."

"Right to know what?" Brigitte's chipper voice startled the two of them. Tom looked down at her standing in the doorway. For the first time, he truly felt like he was looking at his daughter.

---

Sadie settled herself into the swivel chair at the front desk of G Major. It had been an odd week. First, there was Liam. Did he like her? Or was he just being Liam? And then there was Kwest. Why had she never really noticed him before?

"Miss Harrison," Liam's voice broke into her thoughts and she looked up at him. "Any calls for me this morning?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. I just got here."

Liam's face hardened and he leaned forward on the desk. "What do you mean 'you just got here'? You were supposed to be here at eight."

"Well, I didn't," she replied.

"Sadie, I didn't hire you to do nothing," Liam scolded her, talking to her like a little child. "You are my _secretary_. Your only jobs are to _organize_ my life and _take_ my calls. I didn't think that would be so hard. Even for you."

Sadie frowned at him. "I quit."

Liam's eyes widened in shock. "You what?"

"I quit," she repeated, grabbing her coat and rushing out the door without another word.

---

Jude walked down the sidewalk to G Major and spotted her sister running out in a hurry. "Sadie, wait up!"

The older Harrison girl stopped in her tracks, turning to face her sister. "What?" she asked impatiently.

Jude caught up with her. Resting her hands on her knees, she bent over and relaxed for a little bit, trying to catch her breath. Finally, she looked up at Sadie, who had an irritated look on her face. "Where are you going? Aren't you working today?"

Sadie shook her head. "I quit."

"You _what_?"

"I don't know how you deal with Liam all day," she complained.

Jude laughed to herself. "I don't." The two of them shared a knowing look. "So, what are you gonna do?"

She shrugged. "I thought I'd go shopping."

Jude gave her sister a look. "I meant about a job."

"Oh…I don't know."

Jude rolled her eyes. "What a plan!"

"Jude, how are you doing?" Sadie asked out of the blue, catching her sister off guard.

"Not so good," she replied before she could put up her façade.

Sadie's face softened. "Tommy?"

Jude didn't want to have this conversation--not with Sadie. Kwest, maybe. Tom and Kwest were practically brothers. He understood her sorrow. But not Sadie. Sure, she missed him. Anyone Tom had touched was going to miss him. Wherever he was.

That was the power of Tom Quincy. But no one would truly understand the emptiness Jude felt inside.

"Jude?" Sadie's soft voice broke into her thoughts. She focused on reality again and saw her sister staring at her intently.

Jude pressed her lips together. "Yeah…it's Tommy…"

---

A/N - Okay, there's chapter 2! Did you like it? Leave me a review!


	4. This Mess of Me

A/N - It's been awhile since I updated this and I apologize. My other fic "Bulletproof" has become my protégé! But I had a dream about how to write this chapter.

In sadder news, the computer I save all my notes and story ideas on crashed. Everything is gone. So, after this chapter, this is going on hiatus--along with every fic besides "Bulletproof." I might write some of my one-shots, but once "Bulletproof" is done, I'll have time figure out what to do with all my current fics and new ideas.

Thanks for everyone's continued support!

Love,  
JQ

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**Chapter 3 - This Mess of Me**

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"Hey, let's go get lunch," Jude suggested, eyeing her sister expectantly.

Sadie was quiet for a moment and then shrugged. "Okay."

"Okay!" Jude smiled wide. "Let me just go get a couple things from G Major." Her sister nodded and made herself comfortable on a bench, while the younger Harrison girl walked through the front doors of her studio.

"Jude!" Kwest's voice startled her and she looked around for him. "This came for you." She spotted him by the front desk, holding up a large envelope.

"What is it?" she asked, jogging over. Kwest shrugged, handing it to her. She glanced at the front, shrugging. Ripping it open, she pulled out the contents. Inside was a piece of paper and a handful of photographs. Her eyes scanned the pictures and she gasped. She glanced at the note.

_$50,000 or these go to the press.  
xxx,  
A friend._

"What is it?" Kwest's gentle voice asked.

"It's…it's…nothing." Jude gathered the contents and shoved them back in the envelope.

Jude, what is it?" He reached out and she sighed, handing him her delivery. Kwest rifled through them, his eyes widening with each page. "Jude, these--"

"They're from my release party--after Tom left and I went to go visit Mason. That guy who took me up to the room…" Jude paused, choking back tears.

Kwest pulled her close, wrapping his arms around her shaking body. "I remember. Hey, shhh…It'll be okay."

"How am I supposed to get $50,000?" she sobbed into his chest.

He rubbed her back reassuringly. "We'll think of something."

---

Tom pulled out his cell phone and checked the screen. 4 missed calls. 1 new voice mail. He sighed. It had been 10 days since he'd left, but he still felt as guilty as he had when he drove away from Jude. He checked his calls.

Three were from Jude and the last was from Kwest. Jude had given up on leaving messages after call number 267. He dialed his mailbox. Sure enough, Kwest's voice echoed through his phone.

"Man, it's Kwest. I know you gotta deal with this whole Portia thing, but I got news. Remember when I told you about Jude's release party? When she skipped and got drunk with that guy? Well, he sent her some…incriminating pictures today. And he's threatening to send them to the presses if she doesn't come up with some cash. She needs you, man. Liam and I haven't told anyone, but she's gonna find out. Call me."

Tom could feel his stomach sinking. This was not what was supposed to happen. Liam and Kwest were supposed to cover for him while he tried to figure everything out with Portia and his daughter. He knew Jude was hurting. He could never forget the look in her eyes when he said he wasn't coming back.

But what was he supposed to do? Explain to her that in a moment of weakness on his twenty-first birthday, he found himself in a very similar situation that the two of them had been in. He and Portia were locked in an old warehouse after an odd misunderstanding and in that moment of weakness, they had done things he would regret for years to come.

But, now he had Brigitte to worry about. After all, she was his daughter. He had been trying to force the thought from his mind ever since he had confirmed that he indeed did have a daughter. What was he going to do? Was he going to stick around and help Portia with Brigitte? Was he going to be a father and be there for his child--so much unlike his own father?

Or was he going to run back to Jude? And be with the woman he loved? Because he could only have one. Who was he kidding? There was no way for him to work it out. If Jude was around, there was no way he could be a good father. And if he was a good father, there was no room for Jude.

So, he did the only thing he could do. Reaching for his phone, he dialed the familiar number. Kwest answered on the third ring, "Hello?"

"It's me, Kwest," he muttered.

"Oh, hi, Aunt Clara! How are you?" Tom chuckled.

"How is she?"

Kwest was silent for a moment. "Not too good, man. She locked herself in the studio when everyone insisted they hadn't heard from you. She took her guitar and her notebook in there right after she got the envelope. Sadie and I have been waiting outside, but she won't let anyone in."

"Sadie and you, eh?"

"Don't change the subject. Darius is starting to ask questions."

Tom paled. "You haven't told anyone, have you?"

"What am I supposed to say, Tom? Oh, where's Tom? Oh, he ran off to go meet his daughter. You know, the one he has with your baby sister? Oh, you didn't know? My bad."

"Kwest, please. You can't tell anyone. Promise."

Tom could feel his friend tense up, even over the phone. "Look. I told you before, I won't tell anyone. Liam won't either."

Tom paused. "What exactly happened?" he asked.

Kwest sighed. "That kid who got drunk with her. He took pictures of her drunk…and…partially naked. He wants $50,000 or he's gonna send them to the presses."

Tom could feel his chest tightening. "Look, man. I can send the money. I'll wire it today and she can get it to this jerk tomorrow! She'll have nothing to worry about."

"Tom, you know this isn't about the money. She needs you. Even if these pictures are on the cover of every newspaper in the world, she can do this if you're by her side."

"Kwest, you think I don't already know that?" He swallowed hard. "I need her too."

"Then, what's your problem!" he screamed. "Why can't you come back?"

"I have Brigitte to worry about, man!" Tom burst out.

"Tom, listen to me! I have sat around for the past two years while you fooled around and crushed her heart time after time. But, I'm not gonna sit around watch you screw up again. If you don't come back, you're gonna kill her. Guaranteed. If you love her like you say you do, then you have to come back."

"Kwest, I appreciate your honesty. Really, I do. But, you don't see the whole picture. I have a daughter now. I have to fit her into this too."

"Tom, you could just get on a plane and come back to Toronto. Have Portia tell the little girl that you're her uncle coming to visit. Everything goes back to normal."

"It's not that simple." Tom took a deep breath. "Kwest, I understand that Jude needs me, but so does Brigitte. Let me think about this, okay?"

"Tom, here's the truth. If you don't come back, you're not half the man I thought you were." Tom heard a faint click and the phone line was dead.

---

A/N - Okay! Hope this was enough to hold you over for a little while. Please, leave me feedback!


	5. You Don't Know Who I Really Am

A/N - Hey everyone… Okay, I updated. It's short, but it's filler. Expect another chapter tomorrow!

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**Chapter 4 - You Don't Know Who I Really Am**

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Tom closed his cell phone, sighing. Kwest was his best friend and he respected his opinion, but he was totally out of line. Tom knew what his options were. He didn't need them repeated again by his best friend.

Groaning, he walked into the kitchen where Portia was washing Brigitte at the sink. "Just in time, Tommy! We're about to have lunch. Pull up a chair!"

Brigitte eyes shined and she smiled brightly. "Tommy's staying for lunch?"

"Actually, Portia, can I talk to you?" He paused and glanced at Brigitte, adding, "Alone."

"Sure…" Portia turned to face her daughter. "Brigitte, can you go outside and play while me and Tommy talk, please?"

She sighed. "Fine. But I just washed my hands."

"Well, we'll wash them again when you come in."

"Goody…" She hopped out the door, leaving Portia and Tom alone.

"So, what is it?"

Tom ran his hands through his hair. "Portia, I don't know if I can do this."

"I'm not forcing you or anything," she reminded him. "She has a good family here with me and my parents if you don't want to get involved."

"I know. But I want to be a better dad than my father. I want to be there for my kid and I…I want to raise her."

Portia was silent for a second. "You want to?"

Tom took a deep breath, exhaling slowly. "Yeah… I do."

"Mommy?" The two of them turned to see Brigitte standing in the doorway. "Is…is Tommy my daddy?"

---

Jude sighed, throwing the pen and paper down. This was useless. Who was she kidding? She couldn't do this without Tommy. She had tried, but it just wasn't possible.

"Guess I'm just not cut out for the music biz," she muttered, setting her Gibson down on the soundboard and thinking back, her chest tightening.

"Look, about before in the alley... I really don't know what to say."

"Come on, Tommy. I think we both know what you wanna say. It was a mistake, right? Just a pity kiss? You don't feel the same way I do, because I'm just a kid, just say it. Lie to me."

He gave her a sad look. "Either I have to quit working with you, or I can stay but we have to agree that that kiss had never happened."

The warm tears dripping down her face stung her skin. "I know."

"Jude, say it. Jude--"

"Okay."

"Jude, say it."

"Okay, okay. It never happened. Okay?"

She hated her sixteenth birthday, for this exact reason. Because she could have dealt with Shay. She could have dealt with Eden. If she knew Tom had her back. She lost herself in another memory, this one much more pleasant.

"You know…people, they don't always see who you really are, but I need you to try."

"I always thought I saw the real you."

"Believe me. In me. Again."

"I want to, but…" She shrugged.

"Sadie and I…we weren't right…"

"Why?"

He gave her a pointed look. "You know exactly why…"

She paused, watching him carefully. "Yeah…"

She heard a faint knocking on the door and she groaned. "Go away! I told you, I don't want to talk!" But whoever was at the door was either deaf or stupid. The knocking continued.

Standing up, she flung the door open, then sighed. "Liam, what do you want?"

His look was serious and Jude felt the worry rising in her chest. "Can I talk to you?"

Jude crossed her arms over her chest. "I guess."

"Listen, I just talked to Kwest, about…the pictures, and--"

"He told you?" Jude screamed.

"Yeah, just listen."

"No! I can't believe he would just tell you!" she fumed, throwing her arms up in the air.

"Jude." He reached out and grabbed her, holding tight.

"What!"

"I know where Mr. Quincy is."

---

A/N - Okay! Did you like it? Feedback updates!


	6. Got It Made

A/N – Hey, everyone! This is the first chapter I've written on my new laptop! Woo-hoo! It's so exciting! Hope you enjoy this chapter...

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**Chapter Five – Got It Made**

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Jude took a step back, her eyes wide. "You…you what?"

"I know where Mr. Quincy is," Liam repeated.

"But, you said…"

"I said that he chose to go on his own and you're gonna have to do this without him." He set a hand on her shoulder. "And I still mean it."

"But if you know where he is…" Jude left the suggestion hanging in the air.

"Then I can tell you, but what will that change? He'll still be in Montana and—"

"Montana?" Jude took a deep breath. "He's in Montana?"

"Miss Harrison, listen to me. Going to see him is not going to change anything." Liam sighed.

"Where in Montana?" she demanded. "And how do you know all this? Tommy doesn't even like you!"

He chuckled. "Well, he obviously liked me enough to tell me where he ran off too. Did he tell you?"

Jude frowned, tears stinging her eyes. "Why'd you even say anything if you weren't going to tell me?"

Liam smirked, obviously enjoying this. "You remember Sadie?"

---

"Sadie!" Jude's voice pierced through G Major. Groaning, she threw her fists up in anger. "Sadie, where are you?"

She spotted her sister cuddled in the corner with Kwest. Wait, what? With Kwest? Storming over, she tapped her sister on the shoulder. Sadie looked up and smiled at Jude. "Hey, there, Stranger. When'd you come out of your chamber?"

"Sadie," Kwest scolded, moving away from her a bit.

"No, don't worry about it," she insisted, glancing at her sister. "Look, can I talk to you over there, please?"

"Sure…" Sadie threw Kwest a look over her shoulder, before following her sister across the room. Crossing her arms over her chest, she eyed Jude wearily. "What is it?"

"Look, I'm not gonna beat around the bush, okay?" Jude took a deep breath. "Will you go out with Liam?"

The older Harrison girl raised her eyebrows. "Will I do _what_!"

"Go out with Liam." Sadie pressed her lips together, frowning. "Please, Sadie. If you do it, I can find—I'll do anything for you."

"Why is this so important to you, Jude? Why do you want me and Liam to go out so badly?"

"Look, I didn't want to make a big deal out of it, okay?" She leaned in close, lowering he voice to a whisper. "Liam knows where Tommy is. And he won't tell me unless I get him a date with you?"

"Wow, what a scum!" Sadie fumed.

"So, will you do it?" Jude looked at her expectantly.

Sadie sighed. "I guess."

Jude threw her arms around her sister, hugging her tightly. "Thank you! Thank you so much! I owe you big time."

Her older sister laughed. "Oh, yeah, you do."

---

Jude walked into Liam's office, trying to stay calm. "She'll do it."

Liam looked up from his desk, a sly smile on his face. "He's in Wolf Point." Jude nodded and turned, rushing out. He smiled sadly and called out to her quickly retreating back, "Tell Sadie I'll pick her up at eight."

---

Portia glanced at Tom, an uncertain look on her face. Tom nodded and smiled. "Yes, Brigitte. I am your dad."

"You are!" she exclaimed, running up to him and grabbing a hold of his leg. "Mommy, you said Daddy wasn't gonna be here anymore."

"I know, Sweetie, but look! Daddy's here now. And we're gonna be one big happy family." She smiled and Tom, whose eyes were fixed on his daughter.

Tom leaned down and wrapped his arms cautiously around Brigitte. "Promise you're not going anywhere?" she asked sweetly.

"I promise."

---

Tom closed the door to the guest room, walking over to his bags. Pulling out his cell phone, he pressed and held three, waiting for the call to connect. After a few rings, Kwest's voice mail kicked in. "It's Kwest. When you hear the beep, you know what to do." An automated voice listed off some options and then a loud beep echoed in his ear.

"Kwest, it's me Tom. I know what I'm gonna do. Call me back." Sighing, he flipped his phone shut. "I know what I'm gonna do."

---

Jude pulled her Mustang into a small gas station off the dirt road she had been following for almost an hour. This was the first building she had seen since crossing the border and she was starting to get a little worried. She glanced up at the sign on the small building.

'Wolf Point Gas. Best gas in the whole area.'

Jude scoffed. "More like _only_ gas in the whole area," she muttered under her breath. She put her car in park and hopped out, strolling over to the attendant.

"Can I help you?" the older man asked, eyeing her suspiciously.

"I'm looking for a friend of mine. Tommy Quincy?"

"I haven't see you around these parts before. Where y'from?" he asked, as if he hadn't heard a word she'd said.

"Toronto," she responded, wishing she could just get some answers from this man.

"Whoa! A city girl," he shouted, chortling.

"Yeah. I just came to Wolf Point to find my…friend."

He gave her an odd look. "Your friend from the city too?"

"Yeah, he is." Now we're getting somewhere.

"We got a newcomer about a week ago. Staying with the Martins." The attendant smiled at her.

"Where can I find these Martins?"

He pointed to his left. "Right up the road. About ten minutes. Big house on the left. Can't miss it."

Jude smiled. "Thanks, sir."

"Anytime, miss." She waved and hopped back in her car, peeling out of the small parking lot.

"Darn city folk," he muttered, watching her speed down the road.

---

Jude pulled up to the big house, a little bit in awe. She had never seen a house so beautiful. She slid out of her car, closing the door quietly. She wasn't quite sure why she was here. She didn't know these people and she sure didn't know if Tom was here or not. But it was worth the shot.

She walked up to the door and knocked softly. The door opened moments later and Jude's jaw dropped.

"Jude… What are you doing here?"

---

Who answered the door? Oh, man. I'm dying to find out. Okay, well, leave me some feedback. I'll get some more up this weekend. Having a laptop now guarantees me more typing time!

**QUICK SPOILERS!**

"Jude, you need to go home."

"I don't think Tommy wants to see you."

"Are you kidding me? How can you be staying here?"

"Daddy, who is she?"

Next chapter is called "All Alone"…


	7. All Alone

A/N – Hey there! Chapter Six is here, as promised! It's a little shorter than planned, but you'll see why I had to end it when I did.

Enjoy!

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**Chapter Six – All Alone**

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Jude looked up and locked eyes with Portia. "Is…is this the Martin's?"

The older woman shifted her weight uncomfortably, nodding. "Yes. Why are you here?"

"Is Tommy here?" she asked suddenly, catching Portia by surprise.

"Look. You and I have never had a problem with each other, have we?" She sighed, eyeing the younger girl carefully. "Jude, you need to go home."

"I'm not going anywhere without Tommy. I have a right to know if he's here. He's my…producer and I have a right to know."

Portia glanced back over her shoulder before stepping out onto her porch and closing the door behind her. "Jude, I didn't want it to come to this, but…" She took a deep breath. "I don't think Tommy wants to see you."

Jude was speechless for a moment. How _dare_ Portia say something like that? Since when did _she_ know what Tom wanted? "Portia, I need to see him. Please, if he's here, just…let me talk to him."

The door opened behind Portia and she turned around, both of the women staring at the tall figure standing in the door.

"Jude…I…How did you find me?"

---

Sadie groaned, checking her reflection in the mirror for the umpteenth time. It was almost eight and she was completely dreading this night with Liam. He had just fired her and now she had to endure an entire night?

"I'm doing this for Jude," she reminded herself, running her hands through her long blonde hair.

Her doorbell rang and she jumped. Grabbing her coat—a gift from Liam nonetheless—she continued her mantra as she walked toward her entryway. _I'm doing this for Jude. I'm doing this for Jude._

Sadie opened her door slowly, revealing Liam. He was wearing a pair of black dress pants and a button-up black dress shirt, holding a bouquet of orchids. "I'm doing this for Jude." The words were out of her mouth before she even realized what she had said.

Liam chuckled to himself. "Good thing I don't care why you're doing this. Only that you are. Like your coat, by the way." He smirked and held out the flowers. "For you."

"Thanks." She grabbed the bouquet and set it on the table next to her door. Turning back, she offered him her hand. "Shall we?"

Liam grinned at her. "We shall."

---

Tom looked between Portia and Jude, a confused look on his face. "Jude…? I…"

"I tried to stop her, Tommy. But she wouldn't leave." Portia glared at the younger girl. Tom locked eyes with Jude, his chest tightening.

"Can I talk to Jude, Portia? Alone, please," he added for good measure.

The older woman sighed. "Where's Brigitte?"

"With your parents," he responded, never taking his eyes off of Jude. Portia nodded and went inside, closing the door behind her. "Want to sit?" Tom motioned toward a swing hanging from the porch. Jude shrugged and sat down on it, Tom settling down next to her. An uncomfortable silence hung in the air between them.

"Tommy, what are you doing here?" Jude asked suddenly. "Why did you leave me like that? Why are you here with Portia?"

Tom held up his hands. "Whoa, one question at a time."

Jude took a deep breath. "How could you leave me the way you did? We were finally doing something about how we feel and you run away. It hurt so bad." She could feel the tears forming in her eyes.

"Jude, it killed me to do it. But I couldn't risk hurting you more with the reason I was leaving. You were better off in the dark."

"Tell me now, Tommy. Why did you leave?" She looked up at him and Tom knew he needed to tell her. She deserved to know, even if it broke her heart.

He took a deep breath before continuing. "You might hate me forever, but you deserve the truth." He reached out and took her hands in his. "You know that man who was with me that night? He's…he's my father. I haven't spoken to him in years. After my mom died when I was little, he never wanted anything to do with me. I went from nanny to nanny. When I joined BoyzAttack, that was the last straw. My father swore he'd never speak to me again."

"So, why was he at my concert? Why did he take you away?" she asked impatiently.

"Portia sent him," he answered simply.

"But, why? She hasn't even been at G Major for the past few months. Why would she send your father to one of my shows?" Jude moved to the edge of her seat and Tom could see all the questions in her eyes.

"Because. She knew he was the only person I'd listen to."

"But…I'm still confused. What does Portia have to do with all of this?"

"Portia had some important news she needed to tell me. She had been trying to tell me all year now, and—"

"What news?" Jude interrupted again. "I mean, what was so important that she dragged you away from me? It's like every time we try to start something we—"

"Portia and I have a daughter, Jude!" Her mouth hung open and the tears that had been threatening to fall finally flowed freely from her eyes. She pulled her hands free from Tom's. "I'm sorry."

"You…you and Portia?" she choked out.

Tom nodded. "She's turning three in August."

"But…but how?" Jude rubbed her eyes, trying to slow down the tears.

"On my twenty-first birthday. It was a huge mistake and—"

"How could you?" she growled, anger rising in her.

"Jude, please. Listen to me. It wasn't planned. It was a stupid party and we wanted to ditch. We ended up locked in a warehouse with a lot of alcohol. We got to talking and one thing led to another and—"

"You slept together," she spat. "But why'd you decide to leave just now? When we were in the middle of our date. Why weren't you one big happy family back then?"

"Because I didn't know!" Tom yelled exasperatedly and Jude recoiled in shock. "Portia never said a word. I didn't even see her again until two years ago, at Darius' party."

"So why did Portia finally say something?" Jude asked, suddenly quiet again.

"Brigitte started asking questions. She wanted to know where her daddy was. Portia just ran out of answers."

Jude choked back a sob. "Brigitte? That's a pretty name…"

"It was my mother's name," he mentioned. "She's a pretty girl, Jude. And way to smart for her age."

She wiped a stray tear from her eye. "What are you going to do?" she asked quietly, feeling the emotion rising in her again.

"Jude, you have to understand. This little girl is my daughter. I'm going to be a better dad than my father ever was. I _need_ to be."

She gave him a look. "So, what are you saying, Tommy?"

"Jude," he said carefully, "I have to be here with Brigitte."

She jumped up, eyes wide and voice borderline hysterical. "Are you kidding me? How can you be staying here?"

"Please, understand. This was really hard. But I need to be there for Brigitte," he pleaded.

"What about me, Tommy? Who's gonna be there for _me_?"

"You have Sadie," he reminded her.

She laughed maliciously. "Yeah, when she's not tangled up in Kwest!" she screamed.

Tom's voice was soft, "Jude…" He reached up to hold her hand, but she pulled away.

"No. You know what, Tommy? My dad left me. My mom left me. Now it's you. I should be used to it. I hope you, Portia, and Brigitte are happy together." Jude spun around, storming back to her car. Tom buried his face in his hands, listening to the sound of flying gravel as Jude pulled out of the driveway.

A small voice next to him made him jump. "Daddy, who is she?" Brigitte was standing next to the swing, confusion evident in her eyes.

"Her name is Jude, honey," he said, pulling his daughter close.

"I don't like her," she muttered into his strong chest. "She screams a lot." Tom felt the tears pricking at his eyes at her words.

---

Jude sped down the dirt road, her mind everywhere but her speedometer. Tears dripped from her swollen eyes and her visions blurred more with each passing droplet. Her hands were sweaty on the steering wheel and she wasn't even sure she was headed north. Street signs whizzed past her, but their messages didn't matter.

Nothing mattered anymore.

Jude felt her body go slack and her hands slip off the wheel. The last thing she saw was the oak tree in front of her Mustang before her world went black.

---

Leave me feedback! I live for it… Believe it or not, it does make me write faster. I'll get the next chapter up A-SAP!

JQ

**SPOILERS FOR CHAPTER SEVEN!**

"Is this Sadie Harrison? I'm afraid your sister's been in an accident."

"Kwest, you need to take me to Montana."

"Tom, call me back. Jude's in the hospital."

"She's touch and go."


	8. Who's to blame?

A/N – Okay, don't revolt! I'm updating. Enjoy! (Well, kinda.)

---

**Chapter Seven – Who's to Blame?**

---

Sadie settled into her couch, sighing deeply. As much as she hated to admit it, she had enjoyed her night out with Liam. It must have been that Irish charm.

He had been a complete gentleman. He opened doors, pulled out her chair, took her to the fanciest French restaurant she had ever laid eyes on, paid for everything, and took her home—no questions asked.

Could Liam actually have a heart? …Naaaah. He had to have some ulterior motive.

Before she could ponder her date any further, the house phone rang and she jumped. Reaching for the receiver, she pressed 'talk'. "Hello?"

"Hi, yes. Is this Sadie Harrison?" an unfamiliar, yet warm, female voice asked.

"This is," she responded, quick checking the Caller ID. It read 'Private Number.'

"I'm afraid we have some unfortunate news." Her stomach dropped. Was it her mom in Europe? Was it her dad in Montreal? "I'm afraid your sister's been in an accident."

"Jude?" she breathed.

"Yes. We just found the vehicle off the side of Route 27. She's in critical condition at the ER in Wolf Point."

_Wolf Point. Wolf Point._ Why did that place seem so familiar? Sadie gasped. That's where Jude was going to look for Tommy. "I'm taking the first flight to Montana. Thank you." She hung up the phone and grabbed her coat, heading for the door.

---

Sadie stormed in the front doors of G major, making a beeline for the receptionist desk. Today, she had been replaced by a new blonde woman, but she didn't have time to linger on that thought. "Where's Kwest?" she demanded, hoping this woman was an airhead.

"Studio B," she supplied, not even looking up.

Sadie glanced around and headed for her left, passing Liam's office. He chuckled from his open door. "Back so soon?"

"I don't have time for this," she muttered, rushing over to the door to Studio B. Without so much as a knock, she flung the door open.

"We're working in—" He stopped mid-sentence seeing the worried look on Sadie's face. "What's wrong?"

"It's Jude. You need to take me to Montana."

Kwest half-laughed. "What?"

Sadie could feel the tears beginning to drip from her eyes. "She's been in an accident. She's in critical condition. I need you to come with me to Montana."

"Sadie, what…?"

"Please, Kwest," her voice was pure begging.

I…okay. Just let me grab my coat and we'll take a cab to the airport."

Sadie nodded her appreciation. "Thanks, Kwest."

---

Kwest and Sadie were waiting in the terminal for their 5 o'clock flight. It was the earliest they could have received, not that Kwest kept it a secret that they needed to be in Montana as soon as possible.

He pulled out his cell phone and dialed a number from memory. After a few rings, the voice mail picked up. "It's Tom. I'm not here, or busy. Leave me a message and I'll get back to you when I can." A loud beep sounded and Kwest sighed.

"Kwest, man." He took a deep breath. "Tom, call me back. Jude's in the hospital." Leaving it at that, he flipped his phone shut.

A nasal voice echoed over the P.A. _Now boarding Flight 91A to Culbertson, Montana._

"That's us," Sadie muttered, grabbing her small purse. Kwest stood and pulled her into a tight embrace. "What's that for?"

"Just 'cause."

---

Tom sat on the edge of his bed the next morning, exhaustion still in his bones. Sleep was not something that had come easy last night—if at all. All he could think about was the hurt look on Jude's face when he told her he wasn't coming back.

But how could he, really? He had a daughter now. That was big. Bigger than anything else Tom had ever had in his life. And he wasn't going to screw it up.

A loud buzzing from his bedside table startled him. Reaching over, he picked up his cell phone and checked the screen. _1 missed call. 1 new voice mail._ Holding down the 1, he waited for the operator to relay his message.

Kwest's voice drifted through his phone and Tom could tell right away that something was wrong. "Kwest, man." He paused and Tom could hear his heavy, nervous breathing. "Tom, call me back. Jude's in the hospital."

His stomach fell through the floor. Jude? In the hospital? He had seen her mere hours ago and now she was lying helpless on some hospital bed?

Standing quickly, he rushed into the kitchen, where Portia was cooking some pancakes and Brigitte was coloring at the table. His daughter looked up and set down her crayons, smiling at him. "Morning, Daddy!"

"Good morning, Brigitte," he muttered.

Portia turned to face him, up to her elbows in batter. "What's wrong, Tommy?"

"It's Jude."

"Look, I know she caused a little bit of a scene yesterday, but I'm sure we'll all be fine."

"She's in the hospital," Tom added quickly, not sure what else to say. Not much else was going through his mind. Just Kwest's nervous voice. _It's Jude. She's in the hospital. It's Jude. She's in the hospital._

Portia was silent for a moment, searching for words. "She…but how?"

Tom sighed and ran his hands through his hair. "I don't know. Kwest called and told me. I'm not sure what's going on. I'm gonna call him back now actually." Before anyone could respond, he was out the back door.

Brigitte looked up at her mother, a worried look in her eyes. "Is Daddy okay?"

"Yeah," Portia nodded. "Daddy will be fine."

---

Tom speed dialed Kwest's cell phone and he picked up on the first ring. "Kwest, what's going on, man?"

"Jude. She got in an accident off Route 27." Tom groaned. That was only a little while up the road from the house. "They found her car a few hours ago and they got her out. But she's in critical condition at Wolf Point Hospital."

"I'm on my way."

"Sadie and I will be there in a few. See you there." Tom flipped his phone shut, collapsing back against the house. This was all too much. He opened the door and peeked into the kitchen.

"Portia, I'm going to the hospital. I'll be back later, okay?" The woman nodded and Tom smiled sadly at Brigitte. "I'll be back soon, okay, Sweetie?" She lowered her head and sighed, before rushing out the front door.

---

Tom burst through the front doors of the small hospital, heading straight for the nurses' station. "Excuse me!" he yelled, hoping someone could help him as soon as possible. A petite elderly nurse gave him a sideways look.

"Yes? Can I help you?" she asked.

"Maybe, I'm looking for Jude Harrison. She's in ICU." He breathed deep, hoping to calm himself down. Nothing was working.

"She's down the hall, but she can't have visitors." Tom groaned.

"I need to see her!" he insisted, balling his hands into fists.

"Look, I'm sorry, sir. She's not in any condition to be entertaining visitors." The nurse was obviously losing patience with him, but her words hit him deep.

_Not in any condition…Not in any condition…_ "How is she?"

"She's touch and go," she replied simply. "She lost a lot of blood, and it was a long time before anyone found her. There's not much more we can do for her."

Tom slumped to the floor, burying his head in his hands. "This is all my fault," he muttered under his breath.

The nurse eyed him warily. "Sir, are you okay?"

"No," he mumbled into his hands.

"Okay, well, I'll be over by the nurses' station if you need anything." She turned and headed back toward her work, throwing him one last glance over her shoulder.

"Oh, Jude…What have I done?"

---

Chapter Seven! I'm an updating-MACHINE! I'll try and get another one up tomorrow! Leave me feedback. I live for it!


	9. Is it over?

A/N – Here's chapter eight! Go me...It's short, but…you forgive me, right?

Enjoy and leave me feedback, please.

---

**Chapter Eight – Is it over?**

---

Tom sighed and glanced down the hallway, then up at the nurses' station. Standing, he walked over to the nurse who had spoken to him earlier. "Hi, excuse me. Can you tell me where to find the bathroom?"

She looked up at him, that sad look still in her eyes. "Right down that hallway, young man. Third door on the left." He nodded his appreciation and strolled away, a plan hatching itself in his head. Glancing over his shoulder, he slipped into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

Tom sighed. All he wanted to do was see Jude and make sure she was okay. Now, he had lowered himself to hiding in bathrooms and sneaking in to see her. He cracked the door open a little and peeked out. The entire hallway was clear and the only thing he could hear was the steady, rhythmic beeping of all the monitors.

Raising a silent prayer to someone up above, he slinked into the hallway and moved stealthily along the wall. His eyes darted from glass window to glass window until they froze on the last one on the right.

Mere feet away, Jude's pale body was resting on the stiff hospital bed, barely even recognizable. Her face was littered with scratches and bruises and her arms and legs were the same. A gauze bandage was wrapped around her head and an IV was strapped to each of her arms. Monitors and machines were sticking out of her everywhere, each of them a reminder that yes, she was still alive, but for how long?

Tom watched her chest rise and fall in time with the beeping green line and his heart sank. He reached up and rested a hand on the glass separating the two of them. It broke his heart to see her like this and to know that it was his fault.

"Right this way, Miss Harrison," the elderly nurse's soft voice startled him and he panicked. Glancing around, he crept into Jude's room, making a beeline for the closet across the room. Closing the door quietly, he held his breath and hoped to God that the nurse had no reason to go in here.

"Oh, Jude…" Sadie's voice drifted over to him and he heard her soft sobbing.

"It'll be okay, Sade," he heard Kwest reassure her.

"I'll be back later to check on her. Please, don't stay too long. She's not quite strong enough for too much," the nurse reminded them. Tom waited a little while before opening the door slowly. Kwest was holding Sadie's shaking body on the other side of Jude's bed. The nurse was nowhere to be found. He let out the breath he had been holding in.

Kwest's eyes darted over to him and he gasped. Sadie followed his gaze and choked back a scream. "Tommy, what are you doing here?" she scolded in a hushed whisper.

"Same as you. I needed to see for myself if Jude was okay."

"Why are you hiding in the closet, man?" Kwest asked, still holding on to Sadie.

Tom edged out of the closet, a sheepish look on his face. "The nurse said Jude couldn't have any visitors. But I needed to see her."

Kwest set Sadie down in the chair and walked over to where Tom was standing. "Why is she here?" he asked, making sure Sadie couldn't hear him.

Tom ran his hands through his hair. "I told her that I was staying here with Portia and Brigitte. She didn't take it very well." Kwest threw a look over his shoulder at Jude's still body.

"You could say that." He gave Tom a stern look. "You're staying here? Even after all of this?"

He looked his best friend in the eye. "Kwest, man. You remember my father. I have to prove I'm a better dad than he was."

"That's not what being a parent is about, Tom. If you think that, you're clueless and you'll be an even worse father than yours. Because at least he knew enough to stay away." Sadie coughed nervously.

"Is there a problem?"

Kwest turned back to her and smiled warmly. "No. Tom was just leaving." The older man started to protest but Kwest silenced him with a look. "Go home. Back to your _family_. Let us take care of ours," he growled, voice low.

Before Tom could respond, Kwest moved back over to Sadie's side, wrapping an arm around her. He whispered something in her ear and she smiled at him gratefully. Tom sighed, admitting defeat.

"I love you, Jude," he whispered to her pale body before walking out the door.

---

A/N – Woohoo! Another chapter! Chapter Nine is in the works…Here's your spoilers…

"He's staying here? But what about Jude?"

"Mommy, is Daddy mad at me?"

_Does it really matter? Does any of it really matter? _"Not without Jude," he muttered, picking up his glass and downing all the contents.

CHAPTER NINE IS CALLED "Can't See Past You and Me"


	10. Can't See Past You and Me

A/N – Don't revolt! Here's chapter nine! Love me, hate me, leave me feedback!

---

**Chapter Nine – Can't See Past You and Me**

---

Tom pulled his pickup truck into the driveway, putting it in park. It had been a long, silent drive from the hospital, and he was in no mood to deal with anything. Hopping out, he walked sluggishly to the door, slipping in quietly. All he wanted to do was go up to his room and process.

But Lady Luck was not on his side.

"Daddy!" Brigitte's chipper voice rang through the halls and she ran up to him, throwing her arms around his legs. "You're back!" She reached her arms up, begging to be held.

Tom shook her off and headed for the stairs. "Not now, Brige." The little girl's eyes filled with tears as she watched her father slink up the stairs without a word.

---

Sadie and Kwest were sitting together in the hospital cafeteria, trying to get some food in their systems. Sadie was barely sipping her coffee and Kwest was holding a half-eaten bagel. Neither of them were in the right mindset to eat.

"Kwest?" she mumbled, not looking up from her Styrofoam cup.

"Yeah, Sade?"

"What's going on? With us, I mean."

Kwest glanced up at her, a little off-guard from her sudden question. He set down his bagel and looked her in the eyes. "I…I don't know," he admitted. "What do you want it to be?"

Reaching out, Sadie rested her hand on his. "Kwest, I like you. But, I don't know if it's just because you're the only one here for me, now. Because of Jude. And…I…I'm sorry…That didn't come out right. I…"

"Sadie," Kwest murmured, wrapping his hands around hers delicately. "I like you. A lot. If you want it to be something, then…it'll be something. If you don't, that's okay. But I want you to know, I'm not just doing this…I'm not here with you because of Jude…"

Sadie smiled at him. "Okay." Sighing deeply, she leaned over and rested her head on Kwest's shoulder. "Okay…"

---

Tom settled himself in the sunroom upstairs, locking the door behind him. Walking over to the bar, he pulled out a glass and a fresh bottle of whiskey. "I can't believe it's come to this," he muttered, twisting open the cap and pouring himself half a glass. "Bottom's up."

Lifting the drink to his lips, he shook his head and quickly swallowed every drop in the glass. It burned the entire way down, but Tom felt nothing. Only a quick calm passing through his veins.

Reaching for the bottle, he poured himself another glass.

---

Sadie lifted her head from Kwest's shoulder, a puzzled look on her face. "What were you and Tom talking about before? In Jude's room?"

Kwest sighed. "Do you know why he's here?" She shook her head. "He...he and Portia have a daughter. He just found out. That's why he left."

Sadie's eyes widened. "They what?" she screamed, causing everyone in the cafeteria to turn and stare. She ducked down, lowered her voice to a whisper. "He and Portia!"

"Yeah…and Jude came to find him and take him back to Toronto. But...he...he told her that he's staying here…"

Sadie furrowed her brow. "He's staying here? But what about Jude?" Kwest looked down, a guilty look on his face and her face fell with realization. "That's why she got in that accident. Damn him!" she fumed, trying to keep her voice low this time.

Kwest frowned, hating to see her so upset. "Sadie, I tried to stop him, but he says he has to be a better father than his own dad."

Sadie crossed her arms over her chest, a look of defiance on her face. "Well, screw him then. Jude's better off without him."

---

Portia walked into the kitchen and saw her daughter sitting at the table, tears in her eyes. Rushing over, she knelt in front of her, her maternal instincts sending out warning signals. "Sweetie, what's wrong?"

"Mommy, is Daddy mad at me?" she asked, looking up at her mom with wide eyes. Portia felt her chest tighten as Brigitte's face twisted with sadness.

She wrapped her arms around her daughter, holding her close. "Aww, honey. Why would you think that?"

The little girl pulled back from her mother, her voice soft, "He wouldn't even give me a hug when he got home. He just ran upstairs…" Brigitte choked back a sob, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand.

"Brige, I'm sorry. I'll go talk to him, okay? I'm sure he's just worried about Jude." Portia kissed the top of her daughter's head. "Go to your room and I'll be there soon, okay?" Brigitte nodded and walked slowly down the hall.

Portia sighed and made her way up the stairs, praying to God that she knew what to say to Tom.

---

Tom held up the glass, watching the light reflect through the translucent amber liquid. It was a mesmerizing sight. This was his…fifth? Sixth drink? He had lost count. His mind was as liquid as the whiskey.

He set the glass down and rested his head in his hands. Brigitte's disappointed face flashed before his eyes and he sighed. So far, he wasn't doing so great at being a good father. He wasn't even sure how to go about it.

To tell the truth, he wasn't even sure why he cared so much, anyway. He barely even knew Brigitte, but there was something about her that made her so hard to let go of. He couldn't put his finger on it, but he knew there was something special about his daughter.

Maybe it was his paternal instincts. He never really thought of himself as a father. At least not at this time in his life. Sure, he had imagined his future. He'd live in a big house, with acres and acres of land. He'd have his own studio and he'd make sweet music all day long. And he's always imagined a big family growing up there. But there was one thing missing from this perfect life. And that thing was lying on a hospital bed, hanging onto life.

At that moment, a scary thought crossed his mind. _Does it really matter? Does any of it really matter?_ "Not without Jude," he muttered, picking up his glass and downing all the contents. He felt his mind go blank before his world went black.

---

Portia stopped in front of the door to the sunroom. Tom had to be in there. She never shut the door. Reaching up, she knocked gently.

No answer.

She grabbed the knob and twisted, but it didn't budge. "You locked it?" she muttered, sighing. She stood on her tiptoes, reaching in the hanging plant next to the door, and pulled out the spare key. "Thanks, Mom."

Portia stuck the key into the door, successfully unlocking it. Taking a deep breath, she opened the door slowly, peering around. "Tom?"

Stepping in, she frowned. Where was he? Walking over to the windows, she gasped. "Tom!"

---

A/N – Oh my God! What happened! Since I love you all so much, there is another update today! Go check it out. But leave me a review?


	11. No Good With Words

A/N – Man, I love this ficlet! Enjoy and review!

---

**Chapter Ten – No Good With Words**

---

Portia rushed over to Tom's still body sprawled across the floor. "Oh, my God," she breathed. The sunlight was drifting in from the glass windows and it made him look even paler. She noticed the broken glass littering the floor and the almost empty bottle of whiskey. Kneeling next to him, she cradled his head in her lap. "Tommy, wake up!" She shook him a little, but there was no response.

"Someone call 911!" she shrieked, hoping someone would hear her. Footsteps scurried down the hallway, pausing at the door to the sunroom.

"Miss Portia?" her maid asked quietly, curtsying.

"Call an ambulance, Sharla!" she ordered. The maid nodded and hurried away. Portia returned her attention to Tom's unresponsive body. "Wake up, Tommy. Please. Wake up," she begged him. Off in the distance, she could hear sirens approaching.

---

Portia paced the waiting room anxiously. Tom was getting his stomach pumped and her nerves were getting the best of her. Brigitte was at home with her grandparents and all Portia had told her was that Daddy was going to the hospital for a little while.

"Miss Mills?" Portia turned to face the deep voice calling her name. A middle-aged man stood behind her, clad in scrubs with a clipboard in hand. "I'm Doctor Schwartz." He held out his hand and she shook it briefly.

"How is he?" she asked impatiently.

The doctor chuckled. "He's fine. The procedure went well and he's just a little woozy."

Portia nodded. "Thank you, Doctor."

He smiled warmly at her. "You can go see him now, if you want. Fifth room on the right."

"Thanks." She started down the hallway, but a familiar voice stopped her dead in her tracks.

"Portia?"

---

Tom opened his eyes slowly, the room coming into focus. White ceiling. White walls. Cold metal. Rhythmic beeping.

His heart skipped a beat and he looked around, quickly regretting the sudden movement. His head pounded its resentment and he groaned. Memories coursed through his mind.

_Amber liquid. Glass bottles. Bright sunlight. Jude's still body attached to countless machinery._

Tom shut his eyes, hoping everything was one really bad dream. But as his eyelids open again, he knew it wasn't.

He really had a daughter. He really had hurt Jude. Jude really was in the hospital. He really had turned He really had turned to alcohol as the answer—something he promised himself he would never do again.

Was he ever going to stop doing things he was just going to end up regretting later?

---

Portia spun around and spotted Kwest and Sadie standing in the doorway to the cafeteria. "Hi…"

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"It's Tommy. He…locked himself in the sunroom and drank almost a whole bottle of whiskey. He had to get his stomach pumped." She swallowed hard, trying not to let her emotions get the best of her.

Sadie scoffed. "What? Did he want to share a room with her _that_ bad?" Kwest shot her a look and she sighed, crossing her arms over her chest. "Sorry."

"Is he okay?" he asked. Yeah, Tom got on his nerves. Yeah, he tended to yell at him. But Tom was his best friend. And had been for a very long time.

"He'll be fine. I'm on my way to see him, now." Portia left the invitation open.

Kwest nodded. "I'll go see him later."

"I'm sure he'll be glad to see you." She gave him a sad smile and continued down the hall.

Kwest turned to Sadie and gave her a stern look. "I know you're mad at Tom right now, but Portia is obviously hurting. Could you show a little concern?"

Sadie's eyes widened and she laughed maliciously. "My concern is for my sister, who if you don't remember is on the verge of dying right now. If you want to throw a pity party for the reason my sister is unconscious on a hospital bed right now, go ahead. But I'm not gonna join you."

Before Kwest could even think of a response, Sadie turned on her heel and stalked back to the waiting room.

---

Portia stopped outside Tom's open door, taking a deep breath. She and her daughter had finally completed her family and Tom had to go and almost destroy it. But he didn't, she reminded herself.

Stepping inside the door, her voice caught in her throat. "Tommy," she breathed. His face was a shade of off-white and he had a couple scrapes on his face and arms. Other than that, he looked completely calm and comfortable.

When Portia walked in, Tom looked up and half-smiled at her. "Hey, Portia. I'm so sorry."

Everything that she had thought about saying—everything that seemed reasonable—left her head. "What if 'sorry' won't cut it, Tommy? You have a daughter now! You can't just go and drink your problems away. There are consequences to your actions now. You screw up, your daughter's gonna know about it. You screw up, she's gotta deal with it too, okay?"

Tom ran his hands through his hair. "Okay! I'm new at this, okay? I've never been a dad. I've never had a dad. So, I'm learning as I go. Okay!"

Portia threw her hands up in defeat. "Well, you better learn fast. Because you don't get a lot of room for mistakes anymore." Sighing, she stormed out into the hallway, a surprising sight in front of her. Brigitte was standing by the door, a distraught look on her face.

"Mommy, I thought you said Daddy was going to stay around. And we were gonna be a family..."

Portia knelt next to her daughter. "Brige, honey. What are you doing here?"

"Grammie dropped me off. She's in the waiting room. I wanted to see Daddy." Brigitte looked up at her mother, a sad look in her eyes. "Mommy, is Daddy going to die?

Portia's chest tightened. "Oh, no, sweetie. Daddy's coming home tonight."

"Are we really gonna be a family, Mommy?"

Portia sighed and wrapped her arms around Brigitte. "Yes, Sweetie. Daddy made a mistake and he's sorry. Do you want to go in and see him?" The little girl nodded and Portia picked her up, carrying her on her hip. She walked into Tom's room, a smile on her face. "Look who I brought to see you!"

Tom's face brightened at the sight of his daughter and he held out his arms. Portia set her down on his bed and Brigitte wrapped her arms tightly around him. Tom grunted with the force, grinning at Portia. "Hey, Brige. How are you?"

"Fine, Daddy!" she replied, voice chipper. "Are you better?"

"Yeah, I'm all better. Ready to go home with you," he said, kissing the top of her head.

"Good. Will you read me a bedtime story tonight?" Tom stole a look at Portia, who was smiling at the two of them.

"Of course, Sweetheart." An uncomfortable coughing at the door broke up the moment. Portia looked up and saw Kwest standing in the doorway. She motioned for him to come in and Tom's face fell at the sight of his best friend.

"Brigitte, let's give Daddy and his friend some time alone, okay?" She nodded and Portia picked her up, carrying her out of the room. Kwest strolled over to Tom's bed, lips pressed together.

"So…" he said, searching for the right words.

Tom looked away. "Look, I know what you're gonna say, okay? You can save it..."

Kwest shook his head, a furious look on his face. "No, I can't save it. Tom, you're my best friend, and you have to know I'm saying this from the heart, okay? If you want to stay here...if this is where your heart is...then, fine. But...God, man! What's wrong with you? You think this how a good father acts?" He scoffed. "You're more like your father than you'll ever realize."

"Kwest, I...I screwed up..."

"No. You can save it." Kwest sighed, turning around and walking out.

---

A/N – What did we think? Leave me a review! I'll try and get an update soon!


	12. Was it meant to be?

A/N – Here you go! Two updates again, just because I love you!

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**Chapter Eleven – Was it meant to be?**

---

Sadie sat next to her sister's body, head in her hands. She had been in this position ever since she stormed away from Kwest. I mean, yeah, he's a great guy. He cares about everyone. But come on! She needed him--more than he could ever realize.

"Miss Harrison?" She glanced up at the mention of her name and saw a young female doctor standing in the doorway.

Standing quickly, she moved away from the bed. "Do you need to run some tests? I can get out of the way."

"No, no. We need to speak with you actually." The doctor motioned for herto sit and she was glad. Her legs couldn't really hold up her weight anymore.

"What is it?" she asked nervously.

"Miss Harrison," the doctor began, eyeing her sadly. "We were unable to reach either of your parents. And I'm afraid your sister isn't doing so well. She's not responding to anything and the resident doctor here thinks we should just send her to a hospital by her home until she wakes up."

Sadie swallowed hard, feeling her throat tightening with each passing word. "How long is that going to be?"

"It could be days. Could be months. We're not sure. She doesn't seem to want to wake up," she added solemnly.

"So, it's up to me? Whether or not she goes home?" Sadie asked apprehensively. The doctor nodded.

"Yes. We'd be sending her home in a helicopter, with two doctors on hand, just in case."

Sadie paused for a moment. "Okay. We can do that."

---

Brigitte sat down in the hallway, listening to Tom packing up his things. A smile was plastered on her face. She was finally going to have her family she always wanted. It was the best birthday present she ever could have gotten--even if her birthday was still a month away.

Tom stumbled out into the hallway, his face brightening at the sight of his daughter waiting for him. "Where's Mommy?"

"She went to get the car," Brigitte answered. "I love you, Daddy..."

Tom was speechless for a moment. No one had said that to him in a long time. "I love you too, Sweetie."

---

"So, wait. She's going home?" Kwest was still a little confused. One little fight with Sadie and suddenly he had no idea what was going on. She had come and apologized, quickly explaining that Jude was going home, because her condition was not worsening or getting better.

"Yes. They are getting her ready to go right now. She'll probably be in Toronto Memorial before we get there." Sadie sighed.

"Is this what you want? For her?" he asked, choosing his words carefully.

Sadie nodded. "Yeah. I want her home with me. Safe from Tommy hurting her."

Kwest wrapped his arms around her, kissing the top of her head. "Okay..."

---

Tom walked into the waiting room, Brigitte in tow. The lights seemed brighter in here. Or maybe it was just his killer hangover headache.

"Tom!" He heard Kwest's gentle voice calling from across the room. "Tom!"

Turning, he noticed him over by the far wall, sitting next to Sadie. Groaning, he made his way slowly over to them. "Hey, guys," he greeted, hoping Sadie wouldn't bite his head off.

"Are you going...home?" Kwest asked.

"Yeah...I'm gonna go check on Jude first, though. Just wanted to take Brigitte out to Portia." He motioned toward the little girl, hiding behind him. "Guys, this is Brigitte, my daughter. Brige, this is Kwest and Sadie. My friends."

She peeked her head out from behind her dad. "Hi..."

Sadie ignored her. "Don't bother going to see Jude."

Tom sighed. "Look, Sadie. I know you're angry, but I need to see her."

Sadie crossed her arms over her chest and rolled her eyes. "No. Don't bother because she won't be there."

Tom frowned. "What do you mean? Where is she?"

"She's going home today," she said matter-of-factly. Tom furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

"How can you take her home? She's unconscious in a hospital!"

Kwest spoke up for the first time since Sadie and Tom started their ongoing argument. "Man, she's not...doing good, okay? We're taking her home to Toronto Memorial in case...in case she doesn't wake up...soon."

"No, but just give her time. She'll be fine. She's a fighter. She's--"

Kwest threw his hands up, wishing his best friend would just listen, for once in his life. "Tommy, you have to listen to me. She's not getting any better..."

Tom sighed deeply, tears prickling his eyes. "Kwest, she has to. She just has to. I can't do this without her. Trust me, I've tried." Salty drops started their course down his face. "That's how I ended up here!"

Kwest pulled him into a brotherly embrace. "I know, man. I know."

"I need to be with her. I need to go home," he mumbled into Kwest's shoulder. Pulling away from his best friend, he dried his eyes on the back of his hand.

Turning around slowly, he looked down at his daughter, who was watching him with wide eyes. "Daddy?"

Kneeling down, he set his hands on her shoulders. "Sweetie, I love you, okay? Don't ever forget that. But you know that girl who came to visit me before? Jude? I love her too. With all my heart. I can't be a father, not without her. And I'm sorry, honey.

"Portia's a great mom and her parents, Grammie and Grampie? They're a great family. I'm just not cut out to be a dad. I'm sorry. I have to be with Jude. I have to go home."

Portia stopped dead in her tracks, on her way over to Tom and Brigitte. "Did I hear him right? Is he going back?"

Brigitte looked up at Tom, her face twisted in agony. "I hate you, Daddy."

---

A/N - Updated twice, so go read #12!


	13. When it rains

A/N – Well, here you go! Enjoy!

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**Chapter Twelve – When it rains…**

---

"Brige, you don't mean that," Tom muttered, his heart breaking at the sound of hatred in her voice.

"Get away from my daughter," Portia ordered, marching over to them.

Tom whipped his head around and met his ex wife's icy gaze. "Portia, I…"

"No. Tom, I'm tired of your excuses. Brigitte, we're going home." She reached over and grabbed her daughter by the wrist. The little girl looked at Tom one last time, her face soaked with fresh tears and her features contorted to show every emotion she felt.

Tom hung his head, sighing in defeat. Who was he kidding? There was no way he was capable of being a father. He hadn't even figured out his own life. How could he figure out someone else's? It just wasn't possible.

Did this mean he could never be a father? Because he always thought he would be. He just needed Jude. She made him want to be better. She made him feel like he could be a good dad. But now she was hanging between life and death and it was all his fault.

Jude needed to wake up. She needed to get better. Tom needed her to. Because without Jude, he couldn't do it. He couldn't do anything.

---

Doctor Simons, the resident doctor at Wolf Point Hospital, pushed Jude's still body, strapped to a gurney, into the elevator. Pressing the button for the roof, he waited patiently as they were lifted slowly to the top.

"Jude," he said, looking down at her. "Once we get you home, you need to wake up. Your sister and her friend really need you to wake up. And that young man who kept sneaking in to see you? Yeah, we knew about him. He needs you to wake up even more. So, once we get you safe to Toronto, you gotta wake up for us, okay?"

The elevator dinged to announce their arrival at the roof before the doors slid open. The helicopter's blade spun around and the decibel level was deafening. But the sound only fell on one pair of ears as the doctor rolled the gurney over to the landing pad.

---

Portia collapsed into the driver's seat of her car, alone. Brigitte was going home with her parents. Portia needed the alone time. Badly.

"Tommy, how can you do this?" she moaned, pounding her fists against the steering wheel. "I counted on you with the biggest thing in my life and you ruined it. And now it's not just me. It's Brige too. She's gotta deal with losing her dad the same week she found out she had one. She's not even three, Tommy! She's can't deal with that!

"What have you done?" she whispered, resting her forehead on the wheel.

---

Sadie and Kwest were sitting side by side on the airplane, waiting for it to land in Toronto. According to the hospital in Wolf Point, Jude should already be checked in and ready for visitors by the time they got home.

Sadie stole a look at Kwest, who had his headphones on and was absentmindedly watching the flight movie. She smiled, truly glad she had him around. "Kwest?"

"Hmm?" he responded, tugging his headphones off one ear.

"Thanks. For everything." She leaned over, resting her head on his shoulder. "I want this to be something. Us, I mean. When Jude gets better."

He smiled to himself, resting his head on top of hers. "Okay."

---

Tom stepped into G Major, taking a deep breath. He was never very good at kissing ass, especially when it came to Darius. But this time, it was his job on the line. And when Jude got better, working with her was on the line.

He reached out and knocked on the closed door, waiting for a reply. "Come in," a low voice barked from inside. Sending up a quick prayer, he opened the door and slipped in. Darius' eyes widened from behind his desk and a slow smile spread across his face. "Well, if it isn't long lost Tom Quincy."

"Darius, I'm sorry," he muttered, grimacing.

"Sorry doesn't really cut it, T. You left without so much as a word and left me to pick up the pieces with Jude—just like I had to do with Portia a few years back." Tom's heart skipped a beat at the sound of her name.

"D, I know I screwed up, but—"

"Where is she, Tom?" he asked suddenly.

Two women flashed through his mind. "Who?"

"Jude, who else!" Darius fumed. "Don't beat around this bush. She hasn't been in for days and you know where she is. Now, if you don't tell me—"

"She's in the hospital!"

---

A/N – Woot! 2 updates! Leave me a review!


	14. Is she awake?

A/N – Well, here's part 1 of another 2 part update! This is realty short, but I'm working on Bulletproof. So, forgive me.

---

**Chapter Thirteen – Is She Awake?**

---

Portia walked into her parents' house, closing the door behind her. "Brige!" she called, dreading the talk she was about to have with her daughter. It was going to break her heart, but it had to be done.

Tom wasn't coming back and Brigitte needed to know she wasn't going to have the father she had always dreamed of.

"Mommy?" The little girl's voice broke and Portia looked up, smiling sadly at her daughter. "When is Daddy coming home?"

"Brige, Daddy's not _coming_ home." The little girl's eyes filled with tears.

"But he always comes back...He yells and then he comes back."

"Not this time, Sweetie," Portia sighed, wrapping her arms tightly around her daughter. "I'm sorry..."

---

Darius' eyebrows furrowed together. "What do you mean?"

"She's at Toronto Memorial." Tom looked down at the floor, not wanting to meet his eyes.

Darius jumped out of his chair, moving around his desk. "Well, why the hell is she there, Tom? And why the hell didn't anyone tell me!"

"She just got there a couple hours ago."

"Why is she there?" he asked again.

"Well, I was in Montana with Brigitte and I told her I was staying there. And she…she got in a car accident and—"

Darius' eyes widened. "You were with _Brigitte_!" Tom took a step back, regretting opening his mouth.

He put his hands up in defense. "D, please, listen to me."

Darius stepped up to the other man, getting in his face. "Tom, get out. You're fired. Get the hell out of my office and don't ever come back."

Tom sighed, realizing that this was useless. Turning around, he walked out of Darius' office, probably for the least time.

---

Mason walked out of Studio A, his eyes widening at the sight of Tom. "Is that you, Quincy?" he asked, a big smile on his face. Tom ignored him, continuing out the doors. "Hey, wait up!" Mason rushed over to him, grabbing onto his arm.

"What do you want?" Tom demanded, frowning at the younger man.

"Maybe a 'hello' from my producer, who mysteriously disappeared without so much as word?" He smiled warmly at him, hoping the older man would realize that he was just joking around.

"I'm not your producer," he barked, pushing past Mason and walking down the street.

---

Jordan scanned the paper in front of him, nodding his approval. Chuckling to himself, he slipped the slip inside the envelope, licking it shut.

"Two days, Harrison. Two days," he muttered, smirking.

---

Kwest set his Styrofoam coffee cup on the table next to him. He and Sadie had gotten back to Toronto a few hours ago and Sadie had been in visiting Jude ever since. He was starting to get a little worried.

He thought back to their flight in and a smile crossed his face. He was still wondering if everything had been a dream. But as he sat here, waiting for the older Harrison girl, he knew it was real. He and Sadie were really an item.

"Kwest!" He heard her frail voice scream down the hallway. He looked around, finally spotting her waving her arms around at the end of the hall. "Hurry!"

He panicked, rushing toward her. "What is it?"

"It's Jude. Come quick!"

---

A/N – What did we think?

Only 2 more chapters left….then an epilogue! Go ahead and read the next chapter. It's a present, since I love you all so much!


	15. I guess that would be a 'no'

A/N - Well, here's fourteen. This is short, but you'll see why. I'll try to get the next chapter up soon. Thanks for all the continued love and support!

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**Chapter Fourteen - I guess that would be a 'no'**

---

Sadie reached out and grabbed Kwest's hand, pulling him toward the glass windows of Jude's room. "She…I…"

Kwest's eyes widened as he looked inside. Doctors were crowded around her body, but he could just make out her still form. They were all rushing around, attaching machines and removing ones, trying to stop the steady note that had been ringing through Sadie's ears.

_Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep._

---

Tom pulled his Viper into the hospital parking lot, hoping he beat Kwest and Sadie there. He just wanted a couple minutes to talk to her. To explain to her that he changed his mind and he wants to be with her. Now and forever.

Taking a deep breath, he walked in the automatic sliding hospital doors. Nodding at the nurses, he continued his path over to the ICU, hoping to look like a relative of some hopeless individual. He cocked his head to the side, spotting Kwest and Sadie perched outside a room.

Rushing over, he gasped. Jude--his Jude--was surrounded by countless doctors and nurses. They hurried about. "What…what's going on?" he breathed, pressing his hands up against the glass.

Sadie and Kwest both looked up, noticing him for the first time. "Tom…" Kwest reached out and pulled his best friend into a hug. "She…she's not doing well. The doctors don't think they can do anything else for her," he whispered in his ear.

"No," he moaned, burying his face in Kwest's shoulder. "She's strong. She can do this."

"She's fighting, man. Look at her." Tom glanced up through the window, but all he saw was Jude's still body, pale as a ghost through the gaps in the hospital workers. He choked back a sob, his eyes fixed on the sight in front of him.

Only one thought was going through his mind. _This is my fault._

---

The three of them were frozen outside of the room for what seemed like a lifetime. They watched the doctors come and go, each of them giving the small group a sideways look before continuing on their way.

A younger doctor stepped through the door and walked over to the three of them. "Folks?" They broke their contact away from the glass, hoping this man brought good news. "I need you guys to go back to the waiting room. Standing there is only distracting the people trying to save her. I know you want to be here for her, but we need you to wait somewhere else."

Tom furrowed his eyebrows in anger. "Look, Doctor. I need to be here. She needs me to be here--"

Kwest reached out and grabbed his best friend's arm. "Tom, let's go."

"But she needs me! I need her!" he protested as Kwest pulled him away from Jude's room. "I love her! I _love _her!" Tom's voice echoed down the hallway and the doctor shook his head sadly, before walking back in her room.

---

Portia heard a faint ringing from downstairs, but she ignored it. She was completely content lying in her bed and ignoring the world around her.

It was probably Tom anyway, with some sorry excuse for abandoning his family. She didn't want to hear it. She already had enough damage control to do without him adding anymore pain.

Poor Brigitte had lost her father--twice. A child needed two parents and Portia had been so glad that her daughter was going to get that. But now, the little girl needed to deal with losing her father. And knowing he _could_ be there for her--just chose not to.

A soft knocking at her door startled her. "What?" The door opened just a crack and Portia saw her mother stick her head inside.

"Portia? That was…that was Tommy."

She rolled over, hiding her tear-soaked face. "Figures. What excuse did he have now?"

"It's Jude…She…" The older woman's voice broke and Portia sat up, worry filling her.

"Mom? What is it?"

---

Tom was alone in the waiting room. Kwest was in the cafeteria, picking up a new cup of coffee and Sadie had gone to the bathroom almost an hour ago. Sitting here helpless was not good for him. He wanted to rush in there and help.

But what good could he do? He'd already done enough damage as is.

"Mr. Quincy?" The sound of his name startled him. Turning, he saw the same doctor who had told "Can I speak with you a minute?"

He nodded, walking off the side with him. "How is she?"

He looked down just for a second, and Tom's chest tightened. "Sir, we did everything we could, but…She was too far gone. I'm sorry…We lost her." The doctor's even tone echoed in his mind.

_We lost her…We lost her…We lost her…_

No. Something had to be wrong. Jude…little Jude. She was only seventeen. She couldn't be dead.

"Tommy?" Sadie's soft voice called. She walked over to them, a hopeful look on her face.

"They lost her," he choked out, face blank.

"What?" Tears welled up in her eyes and she stared at the doctor in disbelief.

"She's gone…" Tom let the words fall from his lips, before his body went limp and his mind went black.

---

A/N - (ducks) What did we think? Leave me a review!


	16. Final Farewell

A/N – Well, I'm still alive and it's wonderful! You know why? Because now I can update… ;) Enjoy and review. One more chapter left, I think! This one's a little different. It switches point of view and I hope you like it…

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**Chapter Fifteen – Final Farewell**

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_Tom's PoV_

It's been a week. Seven long days. I'm still half-expecting her to walk through the door to my apartment and say it's been one big prank. I'd definitely give up my crown as Prank King if it meant she was back.

But she's not coming back. Her funeral is today. Can I handle that? Probably not. Seeing her face done up in fake makeup to make it seem like she was happy, even in death. Well, I have a tough time believing that she's happy. She died angry with me.

And that's what hurts more than anything. That I never got to say goodbye. That I never got to say sorry. That she never knew I was coming back to be with her. That she never knew I loved her more than life itself and wanted to spend the rest of it with her.

She'll never hear those words I wanted to tell her more than anything. She'll never hear those words she wanted to hear more than any others.

"I love you, Jude." Straightening my tie, I wipe my eyes for what I know won't be the last time today. I look up at the cathedral looming before me, sighing.

It's now or never.

I step inside the oak double doors and take my place in the back row, hidden from prying eyes.

---

_Kwest's PoV_

I've been badgering Tom to get out and try to deal with this with his friends. I know he's feeling guilty and he wishes she were still alive, but what's that going to change? He doesn't realize that Jude would have wanted him to go out and be happy.

But for the first time since he's locked himself in the confines of his apartment, I'm glad he's there. That sicko who took pictures of Jude went through with it. Countless pictures of her have been spread around Toronto.

For the most part, the newsstands have been pulling them. Maybe they have a heart, or maybe it was Sadie screaming that if they sell the magazines, she'll rip their face off. Just one of life's little mysteries.

The pictures are plastered all over the internet, but lucky for us, Tom never goes on the internet and both her parents are AWOL. Sadie's a little angry—okay, she's livid—that neither of her parents could be reached for the funeral, but what are you gonna do?

I'm just trying to be here for Sadie. I can tell her heart is broken, even if she won't talk about. So I just hold her at night and help her plan this funeral. I think she'll be okay. But who can tell with these things.

---

_Sadie's PoV_

Kwest is my rock. I don't know what I'd do without him. He tells me everything I need to hear when I need to hear it. And the best part? He actually means it. I'm so glad he's around. He helped me plan this whole funeral and he really wants to be there for me afterwards.

You know who's _not_ gonna be at her funeral? Her parents. Mom's god knows where in Europe with Don and Dad's on some business call with Yvette in Africa. Lady Luck was never a family friend of the Harrison's.

But I'm kinda glad they aren't here. Dad would've had a heart attack if he saw the pictures of Jude. I'm just happy she wasn't here to see them either. She couldn't have taken it. At least now, she rest in peace not knowing.

And that's the way it should be right? Living in your own happy little world, not knowing? If she had stayed like that, we wouldn't be here right now.

---

_Portia's PoV_

Darius was the one who called me. My brother. He hasn't talked to me since I left G Major to be with Brigitte. He told me Jude had passed away.

Now I'm on my way back to Toronto—Brige in tow. She wants to see Tommy. With Jude gone, would he be willing to pick up where he had left off?

Hey, what can I say? It's not what I wanted. Sure, I had always hoped Jude would be out of the picture. With her in Tom's life, I could never have my perfect family. But this is certainly not how I wanted it to go down.

I wanted to her to be happy. I wanted her to find love and to live a full life. I just wanted it to be without Tommy.

Guess you really have to be careful what you wish for, huh?

---

_Tom's PoV_

The priest talked about Jude like he knew her. Who was he kidding? He didn't know how, if she was truly happy, her smile would stretch from one side of her face to the other. And if she was only smiling to please someone, she would lick her lips and then smile with her mouth closed.

The priest didn't know how when she cried, she was the most beautiful creature alive. He didn't know how when she felt something, everyone knew. He didn't know she looked most peaceful when she was singing a song she believed in—not when she was dolled up lying in a coffin.

She would have hated the service. It was all so fake. She would have wanted everyone to meet outside. She would've wanted a song playing in the background—maybe a Joe Strummer's guitar solo. She would have wanted her parents here—at least her dad.

Portia found me on the way to the cemetery. I barely gave her a second glance, but then I saw Brigitte hiding behind her, a sad look in her eyes and my heart broke. Portia asked me if I had changed my mind—if I could come back and be a father.

Looking at Brigitte, I realized that even if that girl was my daughter, I could never be her father. I shook my head. _"I'm sorry, Portia. I can't. Not without her."_ She nodded her understanding, wiping a stray tear from her eyes. Without another word, she picked up Brigitte and carried her off, the two of them disappearing in the crowd.

As we gathered around her grave, it all seemed so real. For the first time since the doctor had uttered those dreaded words, it all seemed real. My chest felt heavy and my stomach was through the floor. And for the first time in weeks, it felt like nothing was ever going to get better.

I looked up and watched them lower her coffin in the ground, a sad trumpet sounding in the distance. I squinted, hoping the fresh tears that were threatening to fall from my eyes would wait until I was alone.

But who am I kidding? I _am_ alone.

---

A/N – Okay. Is anyone gonna cry when this is over? I know I will. Heck, I'm crying just writing this chapter. The epilogue is next...Go ahead and read it.


	17. Epilogue

A/N- Okay, guys. This is it. It's been a great ride, but it's time to say goodbye. I'll miss it, and I hope you guys enjoyed it.

Goodbye, De mon Coeur au Tien…

---

**Epilogue – I told you I couldn't do it without her**

---

Tom stumbled out of the double doors, a sight to be seen. His normally gelled, perfect hair was disheveled in every direction, his normally clear eyes were clouded with pain and distraught, and he could barely even stand on his own two feet. By some miracle, he made it to his car without falling and breaking his gorgeous ex-boybander face.

Tom sat back in the driver's seat of his Viper, his mind blurry with memories. Every moment he had spent with Jude was running through his mind, every detail crystal clear. Every breath that left her delicate mouth, every strand of hair she brushed out of her bright blue eyes, every moment she spent wanting what he was afraid to give.

But he wasn't afraid anymore. But now it was too late. What he was truly afraid of was now the sad reality. A life without Jude. A life he knew was not worth living. A life he never thought would truly come. A life he was stuck with forever.

But maybe not.

The only thing in his mind was the image of Jude's smiling face. But that was all he needed, right? To remember her?

Kwest wanted him to forget. Portia wanted him to forget. Brigitte wanted him to forget. Sadie…well, deep down, she didn't want to forget her sister and move on. Tom knew it. But Kwest was "helping her heal".

How could she heal? Didn't she love her sister? Tom's heart was broken into a million tiny pieces and if he let it heal, Jude would really be gone. He wouldn't be able to remember the smile that lit up his life for two years. If he let his heart heal, he'd forget her. And he couldn't forget the only girl he'd ever loved.

Healing was not an option. Not for anyone who truly loved Jude. He owed it to her to keep her memory alive, if he body couldn't be. He would fix his mind on her for the rest of his life, if meant he could keep Jude with him forever.

Because he truly wasn't strong enough to live his life without her. He never had been. Everything in his life truly came down to Jude. From staying at G Major, to being with Sadie, to facing all of his fears. Everything he had accomplished and failed at, it had all been because of Jude.

This realization hit him like a stone. Life was not possible without Jude. Every single thing he wanted in his future had her in it. A family. Their own studio. A house with a big yard. Everything had all been for her. Jude.

Tom reached down and put the car in drive, pulling away from the curb. He felt the car moving unsteadily down the road, shifting with each passing foot. But he didn't care. The only girl he had ever loved was under six feet of dirt, and his soul was mourning.

His left hand slipped off the steering wheel, falling to his lap. His eyes drifted to the passenger seat, a vivid image of Jude's sleeping body filling his mind. He smiled and remembered when he finally told her a little bit of how he felt. But she had been asleep. Just his luck, right?

But Lady L uck had never been with him, really. If you think about it. From the death of his mother, to screwing up his life with Boyz Attack, to hurting Jude, to hurting Brigitte, to losing Jude.

He had nothing left.

Tom concentrated back on the road, his mind set on that final thought. _I have nothing left. I have nothing left. I have nothing left._ Closing his eyes, he pressed his right foot down to the floor, the familiar and exhilarating rush filling his body.

"I'm coming, Jude. I love you," he whispered, as he felt his body crash forward against the steering wheel and his mind went black.

---

("Taps" sounds in the background) De mon Coeur au Tien… (sighs) May it rest in peace. Leave me one last review! Is it bad I feel like something's dying now that this fic's done? I don't know what I'm gonna do when "Bulletproof" is finished… :(

I love you guys. Your support meant the world to me, and I'll miss every one of you! What did you think?


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